Social Corner: Managing Rejection

 

Patience Toge

Everyone wants to be loved in this life, no one wants to feel rejected and abandoned, no matter the reason. But the honest truth here is that in one way or another, at one point in our life, we have felt rejected and abandoned. The feeling sometimes can leave one dejected and emotionally unstable and unbalanced.  Some people in life have suffered greatly, because someone they loved rejected them at one point.

Rejection is one battle, one struggle that many people never recover from. For some people, it leaves a lasting scar in their lives; some lose their purpose in life, while others lose their self-worth. While it is true that most people have received many forms of rejections, ranging from broken marriage promises, abandonments, parental rejection, etc, nothing can be worse than a parental rejection. A child being rejected even before it is born is worse than any crime anyone can ever commit.

Ngene is a single mother of one, and has being dealing with the issue of rejection all her life. As a child, growing in a family of seven, Ngene says she felt rejected by her very own parents. Nothing she did was ever appreciated; she struggled for the attention and love of her parents to no avail. She was not a bright student like her other siblings, neither was she athletic like her brothers.  She dealt with her demons all by herself. All she longed for was for her parents to love and accept her for who she was, and what she represented. Ngene was a girl full of energy and bright ideas, but her parents’ constant rejection frustrated her, causing her to develop an inferiority complex all through her life.

One would have thought that after going through these nightmares as a child, Ngene’s teenage and adult life would take a different turn.  Her nightmares were barely beginning. As a teenager, to fill in the gap her parents refuse her, she sought for love in all the wrong places. She started dating boys older than her, and before long, despite all her efforts in trying to make things work out in her relationship with her partners; she still ended up abandoned, frustrated and rejected.

Ngene’s life took a different turn when she met Frank. He was tall, dark and handsome, like a Greek god. Frank was everything Ngene had ever wanted in a man. He was funny, jovial, easy to talk to, and above all, very romantic. They dated for one year, years she could never trade for anything else. Ngene was living in bliss. Then one morning Frank suggested they take their relationship to the next level. He wanted a piece of her with him. Ngene wanted nothing more; in fact it was the best gift she could ever give him. She waited anxiously to get pregnant so she could break the wonderful news to Frank. Finally, it happened in June of 2007. She couldn’t wait for Frank to close from work, so she ran all the way to meet her love to share the good news.  “Frank darling, guess what?” she said, gasping for breath.

Frank was rather surprised at seeing her, “what is it dear?” he piped.

“I am pregnant!” Ngene gasped out the good news and waited for Frank’s reply.

“This is not the right place, go home we will talk later,” Frank said, slightly pushing her toward the door, ushering her out of his office. Confused and a little scared, Ngene pushed back her tears that had suddenly rushed to her eyes ready to break banks. She pulled herself together and went home to wait for Frank.

What later transpired at home will leave Ngene scarred for life. Without any emotions, Frank announced that he wasn’t ready to be a father yet.

“True I told you that I wanted us to have a baby, but right now I am facing some financial problems, I can’t take care of a baby now,” he said, unaware that he was driving a knife right through Ngene’s heart and soul.

Ngene felt dizzy and faint as Frank’s harsh words left her breathless and paralyzed.

“Not again, you can’t do this to me… You…Your promise..?” the words stumbled out of her mouth with pains. Her tears blinded her view.

“I want you to get rid of the baby for now, we will get another one next time,” Frank said.

Like a wounded lioness, she fired back, “Frank, are you God that now determines who should live and who dies? How dare you, Frank, after all we’ve shared, our dreams, your promises…, how can you be this wicked? You know how much I have suffered in the past. Frank, please don’t do this to me.” 

“Well……….em………. Ngene, I am truly sorry, if you don’t want to abort the baby then you are on your own,” Frank said with a tone finality in his voice.

“Thank you very much Frank for everything, let God judge between you and I,” that was the last Frank ever saw or heard from Ngene.

Ngene now works as a senior IT consultant in a firm. She lives with her son Frankie who is now six. There are days when her old demons try to visit her reminding her of her rejection and loneliness, in order to disrupt her peace of mind but Ngene is one determined woman. She has refused to allow her past define her tomorrow. She wakes up every morning thanking God that she and her son have survived the pains, the humiliation and frustration that rejection can saddle a person with.